Saturday, May 25, 2013


Untitled; perfect name for the weekend that I am having. Mixed emotions on just relaxing and the incessant nagging feeling of needing to be out doing something instead of sitting on my lazy rear watching movies and reading all day. Physical exhaustion seems to win me over so far. 

Started Friday morning, I got up early and went to the gym, which has been my routine now for the last two weeks - most mornings I am up and out by 430 or 445, depending on my cat and whether or not he is snuggled up next to me...meow. I give myself plenty of time to get to the gym, get in a decent work out, shower and get ready for work. Friday I didn't have to go to work, but I still decided to go to the gym at the crack a** of early instead of lying in bed trying to force myself back to sleep. On my way home from my morning plans, I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts for some coffee for the boyfriend and myself. It was raining and cloudy as it has been for the past few days. My plans of having a beautiful beach day for my PTO were completely ruined by Mother Nature - thanks for that; so I figured, why not fill the void of the hot sun on my body with the hot sensation of the other thing in life that I still feel pleasure for.....a hot cup of java. Yum! Plans for the rest of the day? To relax and watch movies, read, or whatever I could think of to be relaxing - Sleep is not one of those relaxing things that generally crosses my mind, as it's not usually relaxing. The thought of having to sleep or trying to force myself to sleep is anxiety ridden for many reasons that I will not disclose here :-) It was discussed earlier in the day that this was a possible option, but not to the extent I am about to describble. Yes, I said describble - not painting a clear picture for you below, more of a Picaso painting...all over the place and no real point to it.

So I get home and bring Eric his coffee and donuts in bed...spoiled man he is. Kidding! (although I do give in to his sweet tooth - have to keep him happy!) I go back out to the living room and park myself on the couch with my coffee and settle in with two comfy blankets and throw pillows. I turn the television on and put on a movie. It's about 1230 in the afternoon and the next thing I know, it's 130. I slept for an hour! I shrug it off and the next thing I know, it's 213. Once again, I make an excuse that I am just so tired from going to the gym. Again, I open my eyes and it's a little past 4. My thoughts: "UGH! WHY!!! You stupid. lazy person! GET UP!" This cycle continued until 6pm. I decided to sit up because this was the only way that I was going to stay awake. I stumble to the coffee maker and made some more more excuses to sleep the day away! Eric gets up with me...he slept too. We decide to go to his house for dinner, on the way there, I fall asleep again. We eat dinner and then I go lay on the couch and once again, I find myself being woken up because we are going back to my place. I fall asleep on my way home, and I am so angry at this point. Not because I have slept on and off all day and wasted time, but because someone woke me up. And I mean like a leave-me-the-"eff"-alone-or-we-will-have-a-problem-on-our-hands, angry. We walk in not saying a word and I feed Tommy (cat, meow) and grab some water. Now? I can't fall asleep. Now? I want to go to bed. DOUBLE UGH! My eyes feel like each of them has a 5lb lead weight hanging on the lid. Buuuuuttt, like the crazy soup man from Seinfeld, my brain tells me: "No sleep for you!" 

It was around three in the morning and my silly man is on the couch snoring - which he doesn't often do, or if he does, I nudge him and he stops. (THANK GOODNESS!) So I wake him to go to bed. I lie awake for about an hour and finally drift off to sleep. I wake around 630 this morning and am just so sleepy! Why?? I slept almost the whole day away. I lay in bed until about 7 and decide to get up. I shower, make some more coffee and the day is history dealing with the insanity of work, battling more exhaustion...not even knowing how that is possible after the extremely productive day I had yesterday. :-D

So eager to see what tomorrow brings. Untitled, very fitting.


Health and Wellness to all

Patti xox

1 comment:

  1. Just a little "surgery" to untangle those relentless shaming wires (internalized messages) and you've got a perfect long weekend day for a sleep-deprived brain and body! That is SO cool that you were able to let down so much. That SO sucks that you couldn't enjoy the achievement. Ahhhh, life. Always a work in progress.

    Some day. Life without a merciless internal criticizer/shamer. Sound good?

    I have a title. Freedom.......almost. Out here cheering for your getting THERE.