I think about my weight a lot. A LOT. If I could lose a pound for every time I thought about how fat I am, I would be walking among the Victoria Secret models I so desperately envision being me. Thinking about my weight so much, I obsess about food and calories and sugar and fat and salt. I want them all, but cannot have ANY of it. Zero. Zilch. And like my blog in April, it's so much easier to control when I am home.
I have multiple habitual tendencies and for the past two
weeks I have developed yet another very strict way of eating and working out. Today was
difficult in sticking to this routine. It is one of those days where you don’t
want to get out of bed from pure exhaustion. I am sure you all have been
there…those times when you fall asleep an hour before your alarm goes off and
you lay there awake, eyes closed, talking yourself into crawling out of bed. I
open one eye at a time and fling one arm off of the bed followed by my leg. My
foot touches the ground and I immediately retract the pep talk I gave myself. I
look like a circus act trying to get up.
I slowly walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth; second
thought of the day that comes to my mind aside from wanting to go back to bed
is: what will I be eating today?? So early to be thinking about food, but my
mind has it planned – very carefully…as I walk to the kitchen, I think of my next
move. Every step and movement there has to be precise in order to ensure I
don’t stray from my plan and set myself on a downward spiral of a horrible
eating pattern. I have a solid routine when I am home.
I take out the scale and weigh myself – stand looking at the
number in disbelief. I put my head in my hands and just sigh. I don't move for a good five minutes. NEVER happy with
the number, I hide it away in the mini closet as if it’s hiding me.
I walk out of the bathroom and to the counter in the kitchen.
I open the New England Coffee French Roast (It’s sooooo good) and place the
K-Cup into the machine. I let the cup sit to cool while I put a pot of water on
the stove to boil some water for my eggs. (gross). I don’t want to eat another
egg, but they are so low in calories but high in protein and they keep me full
for a while so I don’t get that nagging hunger. And making them hard boiled means I won't add any additional calories as I would if I were to make them over easy. I measure my precut vegetables
and fruit that I am eating for the day and put them in their respective
containers. Then I put my protein – usually a shake with some mint extract and
my shaker cup in my lunch bag and run over the list:
- Eggs – check
- Garlic powder – check
- Smoked Paprika – check
- Valentina Sauce
- Mustard – check
- Separate fruit containers – check
- Shaker Cup – check
- Protein powder – check
- Love handles (I call them; touch me there and you die handles)– check and check
- Coffee and more coffee – check, check, check
I go back to the Keurig machine and remove the coffee cup. I
take the ice out of the freezer and fill my travel mug; still half asleep. I
pour the coffee over the ice, still warm enough to melt it and I add more. I
cannot put the cover on because there is now too much ice. I never learn. I
drink the coffee until it about half gone because once I start drinking it, I
cannot stop. It’s like my drug. I put the lid on and let it melt some more so I
feel like I have more coffee – which I tell myself I need for my commute in the
morning.
Every morning for the last two weeks, this has been my exact
routine. It has paid off so far – total lbs lost = 5. In conjunction with
working out 1-2 times a day.
When I get to work in the morning, I arrive early so I can
peel my eggs and mash them up with the garlic, paprika, Valentina and mustard
and I drink about 16 ounces of water. I sip my coffee until I can eat my fruit.
Then I wait for 12:00 to arrive and have my shake. Two hours later I am eating
some more fruit and drinking more water. I get up to use the restroom at least
six times!! I feel like I have the bladder of a 5 year old dancing in the
middle of the store screaming: mommy I have to pee! I leave the office and head
home.
As soon as I walk through the door, I change into my gym clothes and
immediately put on my work out DVD. Sometimes it’s insanely difficult to get
through and sometimes I am ready to pass out from how hard I am working, but I
push through it. Determined to get skinny. When I finish with my workout, I make
some dinner and then shower. My dinner has almost been the same every night
aside from switching up the protein if I include any. In the beginning of the
week I had prepared my vegetables by chopping them into about quarter inch
pieces and put them in separate containers: carrots, asparagus, onions and bell
pepper. I measure out ¼ cup of each, ½ tsp – 1 tsp of extra virgin olive oil, ¼
cup of water, turmeric and cayenne pepper. I sauté all of the vegetables for
about 3 minutes so they are tender but still have a little bit of a crunch to
them. If I make any protein, I will have about 1.5 ounces of ground turkey or ¼
lb of salmon. All of the vegetables fill me up enough to get me through the
night. And of course I drink raspberry-lime seltzer water with my dinner. If it’s
too late by the time I get home, I will just cook my veggies and eat them with
some water. They are so delicious and I take it slow eating one piece at a
time. Lately I have been obsessed with dipping each piece in a drip of
Valentina hot sauce or Cholula! Both have zero calories and zest up your meal.
June is right around the corner…50 more lbs to go before I will feel any sense of security and can stop wearing these scarves. I hope I
can keep this momentum! 1 week before I become Zumba certified and then I can
kick up the work outs. I am super pumped!! Doing Zumba for 60 minutes can burn
anywhere from 500-800 calories…I could do two a day! Eeeek!!
Stay tuned…
Love and Wellness to you,
Patti xox