And I love this little excerpt from Phil Collins' song; because it is so true for many people. There doesn't always have to be someone you have known your entire life - it could be someone that you just met; that can literally take you out of "blue" place. This was so true for me today; so I wanted to write about it.
I don't have much self confidence in terms of how pretty I think I am, or how fat, too short, but I know that I am a hard and dedicated worker. Whatever it is I am doing, I try to do my absolute best at it. So lately I have been feeling as though I am failing at that and it's making me feel extremely inferior to those around me. There was a particular incident that happened today that I will not completely disclose here, but this is a brief synopsis of what happened. One of the gentlemen I work with has the idea that he knows best and whatever solution he chooses is the right one because he is in the position he is in and I am below him - which seems to be an unforgiving pattern I fall in. There was this problem that was called into me today and I spoke with the person who called it in multiple times ensuring that the problem was being handled and protocol was followed. About an hour after the first phone call; I received another call from my "boss." (He is not really my boss, but being in the hierarchy of the corporate world, he feels he can tell me what to do). The reason for his call was to have me call someone else to find out who was working in the office today as the supervisor because he needed to discuss a few things. One of those things was regarding the issue that I was already handling with the other person. Because he did not feel the choices I made were sufficient, instead of asking me why and telling me directly how he felt this should have been handled, he went around me to "fix" the issue the way he felt it should have been done. Talk about making me feel like I am an idiot and don't know how to solve problems. I felt like I was a 10-year-old all over again. It's like saying; "I think you screwed up, but you are too dumb for me to explain to you that you screwed up, so I am going to tell an adult." In reality, he screwed up! Because he decided to go through hoops and not follow the proper process, duplicate issues were created, more money was spent than necessary and the route that he chose caused a delay in service. And this is just one of the many things he does that gets me feeling blue. It is everyday; asking me to do things that he should be able to do, but feels above having to do it; so it adds to my daily workload.
Today it made me feel terrible and I think it dug deeper in my gut because I know that he was saying how terrible he thinks the team is, and that I "suck" and he can't depend on anyone but himself. It's so hurtful to feel like you let someone down or that someone who you think respects you does not; you are just beneath them: an ant that can be squashed with the slightest pressure.
And then...there is that person that really knows how to brighten your day. Like I said in the beginning, it could be a life long friend, or it could be someone that you just met. This just happens to be a person I met about six weeks ago and I confided in this person today after the incident happened - as I wanted another point of view on how the situation could have been handled. And this person gave me some sage advice. I cannot recall every detail, but I do remember them saying that the one thing that they admired about me was the respect that I had for everyone around me and the care that I put into the work and helping the individuals understand what they are doing instead of reprimanding them for making a mistake. This was HUGE to me. Huge. It really helped me feel a bit less blue about disappointing someone who doesn't respect me.
This blog isn't about losing weight or giving you a healthy recipe; I wanted to share with you another point of view that has an affect on living a healthy and productive lifestyle and that is balancing your feelings of self worth - there are people in the world that do respect you. Feeling respected is essential to having a positive self image. When you feel like there is someone who doesn't respect who you are or what you do, especially in an environment that you are in every day, it chips away at that self worth you have built up over the years. So it's important to let those types of people dwell on themselves and seek out and surround yourself with the positive values of those who do appreciate you and what you do. And although this is not the obvious permanent solution, having someone there who tells you that they care, you are intelligent and a hard worker can help you feel a little bit more pink and less blue. And there's always a blog :)
Thanks for listening! You all help me feel more validated.
Love and Wellness to all,